Today I Kissed My Love Goodbye

Today I kissed my love goodbye.

“Don’t forget your dinner!” “Do you have your gun and shield?” “Beep the horn for Lucas when you drive away!” “Come home safe!”

I kissed my love goodbye – and watched him walk away.

Every day.

All these years of practicing this same routine and it somehow has gotten harder instead of easier. That voice inside me wondering – was that the last time?

Was that the last time I’ll feel your lips pressed against mine and feel the strong, firm touch of your hands around me?

Was that the last time your children will yell “Bye, Dad! See you when you get here!” and wait for your return with their faces pressed against the window?

Will you be that faceless man who is called a hero for a week, and then slips from memory? Will I be that wife who is handed a folded flag, sobbing eyes hidden behind dark glasses, a chilling picture of both strength and heartbreak, whose children cling to her as their father is carried away?

I have seen that wife too many times in recent months. Each time it is the same. 

They call her husband a hero – but then they easily forget his sacrifice- and hers. While he is alive, they taunt him, doubt him, curse him – and then when he dies, they give speeches and try to honor his name.

This wife doesn’t want a dead hero. She wants the laughter and love of the man beside her. She wants the man who has seen inside her heart – and stayed to love her. She wants the man who catches her eye across a roomful of noisy littles and laughingly yells, “Hey, let’s take our coffee outside and call it a date!!” She wants that man, not a hero in the ground.

The days go by so quickly, but the nights are long. Those hours in the quiet darkness are a blessing and a curse, part of the endless push and pull of this life.

Today I kissed my love goodbye and while my lips spoke all the same mundane words, my heart called out: “Please don’t go. Today, don’t go. Stay here where you are safe, where you are loved.”

But I don’t say that.

I say: “Have a good night, dearest! Don’t forget your dinner! Come home safe!”

And then I kiss my love goodbye – and watch him walk away.

xoxo,

Anna

 

 

3 comments

  1. Thank you for this. So beautifully written. I wanted to share with you this poem I wrote a few years ago to honor my son.
    .
    Not Tonight

    Into the deepest darkest night
    Where evil lurks-hid from his sight
    An Officer goes-prepared to fight
    With all His strength and all His might
    Praying to God, not tonight

    He gently pulls His children near
    Their smiles can lift his heart with cheer
    He kisses boo-boos wipes their tears
    And as He leaves for work He hears
    Daddy, don’t go, not tonight

    She kisses him, to work he goes
    And all the time, too well she knows
    That he must face such evil foes
    Phone clutched tight, her eyes then close
    Lord, don’t let it ring, not tonight

    A mother awakens to whisper a prayer
    Protect my son from sin’s dark lair
    Your warrior of truth-just and fair
    Endowed by you with virtues rare
    He’s yours to call, please not tonight

    Forgotten and paid a pauper’s wage
    Media and public he must assuage
    While calmly holding back the rage
    When violent criminals do engage
    Pleading to God, not tonight

    These officers protecting you
    They sacrifice more than you knew.
    When will you value what they do?
    Or even stop to say, “Thank You”?
    Shame on you, if not tonight

    Like

  2. Beautifully written, poignant, and full of the truth & pain of love, Anna.

    On Aug 3, 2016 8:39 PM, “This House Is Our Home” wrote: > > Anna posted: ” Today I kissed my love goodbye. “Don’t forget your dinner!” “Do you have your gun and shield?” “Beep the horn for Lucas when you drive away!” “Come home safe!” I kissed my love goodbye – and watched him walk away. Every day. All these years of practicing” >

    Like

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